• This week turned out to be a pain in the ass, don’t even know why, it was just shit. But I’ve made more head way (not as much as I’d like, but its getting there) and I’m back to answer some of these Q&As I’ve been […]

    • Ha, well, I hope it actually is getting better each day, it’s certainly doing something I just don’t know how valuable it will all be just yet. lol
      And yeah, shit is always bound to happen. I only have 6-8 days left (6 if I want to stick to sundays, and 8 before February ends) and there is quite a lot of work left to do. Whether it’s wrapped up nice and neat or if its in tatters, I want to get something out and just work from there with the community involved while I finish up whatever is left of the transition.

      So even if I get hit by a bus or work schedules me for 168 hours, whatever mess I have will be out there for scrutiny. haha!
      o_o

    • Yup, the plan is to release it at the end of this month, preferably by next sunday, but I’m giving myself till 28 if I really think I need too. The reason it’s been so long is because I’ve completely replaced the base system and rewritten the code for the grand majority of the game. All of this started during a shitty time in my life so I got hardly anything done for so long. The reformat is to a point that I can release the game back out and just wrap up the last of the transition while it’s out and being “played”

      And I tred on the word “played” lightly, because on the outside the game isn’t going to be much different at all compared to the current version, at least content wise. It’s a huge difference mechanically and in the backend part for creating content. Given that, the updates to follow this one will become more and more content focused as it finishes up because of these coding shortcuts I’ve implemented for myself.

      One way or another, the project is at least not “dead”, maybe a zombie, but it’s still vaguely shambling around. lol

  • Just dropping in with a small progress report and to wish you all a happy Valentine’s day; spoil your significant other or if you’re on your own, don’t forget to treat yourself. Time slipped passed me this week […]

    • Of course! Eventually, once all the writing shortcuts and “cool things” are implemented for scene creation I’m going to work on some sort of writing guide so that if people ever want to test their own content in the game or further down the line in development, write content for submission for us all to enjoy.

    • Well we’re glad to have you here (Sorry for the late post, things have gotten away from me as of late).
      Thank you for your sentiment, I look forward to this games future as well, hopefully its a long and inclusive one. haha.

  • Didn’t get as far as I liked, but I expected as much with my work schedule. Still I’ve wrapped up most of the needed descriptive components that’ll be used through-out the game for all the various parts, size and […]

    • I don’t really post often anymore, so I’m just here to say I’ve been popping on once or twice a week for a while now, and that my lack of commenting reflects a lack of things to say and not a lack of interest. Hope all goes well, and I’m glad to hear that forward progress is being made!

      • Thank you my friend. I’m glad to know you’re still on board. It’s actually been pretty impressive to see that my traffic has never fallen below 500 daily visitors. I know a good portion of those are probably simple search engine spider bots and the like, but its still amazing to know so many people still check in regularly.

        As this next update draws near, I look forward to being able to bring content back into the game and getting people engaged again; but it’s still a process obviously. lol

    • Thank you anons #2 & #3 for defending me, I appreciate it. I know things are rough with how long this boring journey has been, but its good to know there are people wholly unperturbed by it.

      As for you Anon#1, well, it took me a while to think of what to say, but I figure all comment deserve a reply, even the inflammatory ones. All I can say is that I’m sorry you’re unhappy but realistically what could you possible think you’re accomplishing here? Yelling at me won’t make the game just magically playable. The mentality you’re presenting here is the same breed of thought that poxes 4chan’s d-game general threads, everyone is just so bitter and actively wants to see devs give up and stop for some reason. It’s strange.
      But that’s beside the point. The only one who I’m “stringing along” is myself. This game is, and has always been my project and my hobby, nothing more. This isn’t my job, I’m not really even paid to do this, I just do it when I have time and when I’m feeling up to it. I just decided to share what I was doing with others and enjoyed everyone’s engagement with this project. Those who are here are here by their own volition, I’m not lying to them or extorting them.

      If this is about money to you, let me explain: this isn’t, never has been and never will be about money. I could win the lottery tomorrow, never work another day in my life and I’d still happily work on my project. It’s what I do. I didn’t even setup a patreon for the longest time; I was very resistant to the idea but I put one up at the behest of generous followers. As the other anons have pointed out, I never made any promises, or tried to trick anyone for money; these donations are 100% genuine gifts and if anyone doesn’t feel that way I highly encourage them to remove or refund their donations; I want honestly and clarity within my community. I haven’t touched a single penny of those donation since the last update and won’t be touching it until after I get an update out again; they’ve been sitting their like a soft savings account supported by my fans.
      If you’ve donated to me anything and you’re unhappy then please get your money back. When it comes to money I personally judge the value of a purchase by the amount of entertainment or satisfaction it has provided me compared to its cost, I earn a few cents over $10, so if I spend a dollar on something I need at least 6 minutes of entertainment out of it, if I spend $10 dollars, I need an hour or so, etc.
      If what you’ve spent hasn’t met your needs, then again, please get a refund.

      If money isn’t the issue here, then in all honesty, I’m afraid I don’t really owe you anything. I never forced you to spend time waiting for the game or forced you to take interest. I support this project and website of my own volition, my own money and time; this is my hobby and I work on it at my own pace when I can. I have a life, a fiance and a job and I don’t spend every second of my free time working on this project, it’s just not possible for me. I work on it a lot and its the majority of my free time and its something I truly enjoy engaging in. This project may never reach the scope I’ve built for it, but I’m far from done with it and I want to get it as far a long as I possibly can. If you don’t like how I spend my free time or work on my hobby or how I’m making it, then with 100% honesty and sincerity I would love to see you make your own. There aren’t enough people out there making games, they’re started and abandoned left and right, and it’d be good to see another dev that can dedicate and commit to a project.

      And if that wasn’t the issue and you were just trying to get under my skin, then, well, good game sir, you got me to write a rant. See you around chum.

    • I look forward to it as well. I imagine its going to be quite the extensive hunt though, lots and lots of relatively untested new systems are being combined into or overwriting old ones, so plenty of incompatibility is bound to happen; ontop of that I expect a whole smorgasbord of grammatical issues with all these pronoun and tense sensitive variable sentence components. lol

    • Thank you, I’ll try to do so.

    • Haha, well, I’ll just trust your judgment friend.

    • Not a problem friend. The naturality toggle doesn’t really do much as of yet, it just effects some cosmetic details like stretchmarks, cellulite or whatever other realistic but possibly unwanted imagery. It’s more of a catch all for possible future cosmetic details that’ll be added among other things.

    • Thank you my friend, I truly appreciate your sentiment; (especially as someone who is prone to lurking sites rather than posting on them like you)

      I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the ride so far and I truly hope I can keep this thing going for us all. :)

    • Well, I don’t know about “great”, but more flexible and easier to expand upon than the previous version certainly, lol
      I don’t quite get it either, but having been engrossed in enough d-game development threads it’s a common enough mentality. It’s spurred on by the fact that there aren’t many good games with much content out there that both are free and fulfill the niche they’re looking for. After years of this and plenty of people coming up with great ideas and then never creating a game, or creating a demo and then disappearing, they’ve become jaded. With nothing to talk about and no games to play, they sit around in their threads together complaining about this or that, attacking those that disagree and continue to make each-other bitter and jaded. They don’t make their own game and they don’t really co-operate with each-other to make anything productive. But putting that aside most of them are still pretty cool and they’re a good source to gauge alternative interests and ideas and to get brutally honest, if a bit unhelpful “criticism”. It’s always good to have another view point, even if it comes down to “I don’t like x” instead of “x is bad because”. Occasionally you’ll find a helpful gem and or converse with someone whose chill and those are the parts that matter.

      Of course there are some folks who just feel like all devs should spend all their free time making a game for them and never make any money on it (even if they themselves don’t spend any money or donate), and they’re not really people you need to listen to. Most of them have zero experience in game development, art, or anything creative and don’t even both to offer critique or anything of value, they just actively shit on everyone around them. Luckily they are the exception and not the rule. A vocal minority if you will.

  • Made some headway, but nothing in particular to talk about this time around so I’ll just drop some Q&A’s and then get back to working. One step closer of course, so that’s nice; but I don’t get another day off […]

  • I’ve been a little “unplugged” as of late, but I’m finally back with some good progress on Elysium and plans for the next public release. Just as as back drop, Lilly and I took a small vacation to celebrate our […]

    • Nice fat bot! ;p

      Take care in the meantime! ;)

    • So do I friend. lol.
      But I also look forward to delivering it soon. I just wish I could do it sooner.

    • Milk will certainly be a selling point in many regions, as food products are needed and Elysians don’t really have any stigma over milk produced by humans/sapient beings. As for other bodily fluids it becomes more dependent on the region and parties involved, but due to the mutagenic properties (or lack there in) of certain races fluids, they do have niche markets and will be something that’s sell-able. Items and mutations will certainly be available to enhance the production of these fluids.

      As far as self interactions, I certainly plan on there being more than what’s currently demoed. Plenty of rubs and masturbatory options will be available on various parts of the body, including mutations and non-human erogenous areas as well.

      • shit, what am I writing. lol. Sorry about that I was actually replying to something I got in the Q&A while I was replying to this comment, got them intermingled.
        Where is my mind.

        Anyways, to respond to the first part, what I meant to say was that I certainly hope Elysium will one day gain a life of its own (not too far from home, but independence regardless). After this update, I imagine (and hope) that I’ll have the freedom to spend more time focusing on simple content and expanding upon the base outside of just the engine components. I imagine as you said, once there’s actual content, they will likely be a new flood of interest. We’ll see where things go from there of course. lol

    • ah, yeah, that’s a pesky one. I’m still not entirely sure what caused it in the previous iteration, but give the new transition with the entity system, most of those areas have been done and should hopefully not show up again. It has something to do with the ordering of the status events versus scene events, the status call for the mutation is triggered by doesn’t display or get resolved because it’s interrupted by the scene event. So, with no resolution, the trigger is still there to tell it that its being called so it never gets re-called even when the mutagen rises again. Hopefully it can get sorted out with this next update but I’ll have to keep an eye on it.
      Thanks for the report friend.

    • that’s actually a great term there friend. Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll probably have to shamelessly take it off your hands ;p
      in all seriousness, it would fit well into the type of lore we have and I could see the early Elysian scientists naming things in a similar means in reaction to the less than ordinary changes their world was going through.

  • ♦      Lord Compendiary      ♦

    Name: Volupta Gula, The Witch of the Grove
    Trope: Dionysus-esque hedonism god
    Region: The Glutted Grove
    Temple: Palace of Plenty
    Followers: The Grove Con […]

    • Thank you. That’s pretty much what I was going for. The protective, portly matron of a less than classy, but not too crass, establishment of pleasure seeking and excesses. lol
      (sorry for the late post, things got away from me some how)

    • Thank you :)
      We had a great anniversary and it’s been relatively nice on the progress front as well. Sorry its been so long since the last lore, I get discouraged from posting them when I don’t have complimentary art to go with it, given that, I don’t draw all that often and it takes me a while to make something of quality. Eventually though there will be lore and art established for all the lords.
      (Sorry for the late post, been away)

    • oops, yeah, I just mixed up the e and the i. Thanks for pointing that out.

  • Right above this should be the next lore post, but I figured a basic post should be dropped off as well. It’s a new year and as is the weird coincidental tradition, this first week was a time to celebrate my […]

    • yeah, it’s always been pretty strange in that regard.

      I was actually almost born on my fathers birthday, but there was an issue with the birth (I was being strangled by my umbilical-cord and my heart ended up stopping so they had to preform an emergency C-section, etc. Either way, I survived but was a tad early and didn’t end up on my dad’s birthday, lol)

  • Sorry for skipping out last week. The holiday work week was insane and the time away from the madness took precedence. Anyways, I’m just dropping in to finally put up the lord Q&As as well as the results of the […]

    • I like your view of the gods of Elysium, gods are nothing else than that anyway, because they’re just an invention of mankind, they’re nowhere as perfect as current monotheistic religions want them to appear to be.

      Also, that’s a lot of lore you’ve gone through, and a lot of work. I still wonder if it wouldn’t be a good idea to increase the size of the team (gosh you could even try a Kickstarter with what you have already :P) depending of how ready you are to let a bit of your power over your project that you have to other people.
      But if not for that, I wonder if you have a buttload of documents such as game design documents, etc… which would help you keep focused on your project. I don’t know if I’ve already asked that, sorry if I did. But I think it’s important, even critical as you are alone on this project AND the project is “public” as you’ve put it.

      Can’t wait to meet up with Volupta’s people. ;)

      Have a not too sucky year 2017, all.

  • Every year I get crazy delays around this time, and every year I think it’ll be different lol. Well, I’ve been swamped with finals, work and other crap and then this Christmas week I’m working nearly 60 hours. […]

  • Sorry for the late post, I ended up getting caught up with work on Elysium and then sorting through the NPC data so I could present the findings and of course answer some of the NPC related Q&As I’ve received. So, […]

    • Not for a while unfortunately. I’ve been swamped this week with finals and other matters and then Christmas week I work almost 60 hours due to the holiday rush. I don’t expect to have the update done until after news years at least. 2016 has just been an unbelievably bad year for me both in life and in game productivity I’m sorry to say.

      Looking back though, every December to January period in general has been an update drought, but this is certainly the worst one yet. I’m really on edge with everything and I’m only getting an hour or two for Elysium every once in a while so hopefully once the holidays end and the semester is over things will calm their fucking tits and I can get something done again. lol

    • Not everyone in Elysium will be a slut, I can guarantee that. There should be a decent number of characters to pick from that you might have to date and get to know before they’re ready for that sort of stuff. Not that sex with them won’t be unavailable, but a continued relationship with them not hating you for your actions might require a little more care.

      Customizable npcs and the like are certainly something I want to explore, obviously they’re be a lot more difficult to make indepth and personal compared to a more persistent npc, but its something I want to try. In some ways, that could indeed include your old bodies, provided they survived and aren’t completely feral/mentally broken. But thats a slippery, buggy road, so we’ll have to see.

      I’m glad you’re still here waiting on this molasses train, haha! Its always good to know that even if it’s going to be forever, there will be somebody out there ready to play the next update.

    • No, don’t worry, a lot of the lord info is up in there air and in general not all that well covered around the site (I’m actually working on a new survey related to them, to help clear up questions the community might have as well as in general get some ideas)

      Some of the lords will in fact be romancable or at the very least can become close friends with. (admittedly it was quiet a long while ago that I wrote those, so I’m not fully sure what I meant by open for who, but in general, I feel they should all have some form of bonding available if not full romancable relationships)

      Also, thank you for your kind words. I get obsessed with things. World building is my thing, I’ve done it a number of times, but this is the first time I’ve tried to make something of it and bring it to life. It’s been hellishly slow, but I’m far from finished and I want to bring these things to the world some day. :)

  • Sorry for the late post, things got away from me. Anyways, I got a little time this week and worked out some decent progress. It’s nothing to show off and nothing new, seeing as its more of the conversion/trudge […]

    • Yep, that’s actually exactly one of the things my next update will be bringing. I’ve rewritten all of the intro scenes (plus some new ones) with a TL:DR version that can be swapped in anytime. There will be a semi-dedicated button in the bottom right hand corner that’ll switch the read modes between full text and tldr. Not all scenes will have this, particularly if they’re already short or I just didn’t have time to write up their tldr just yet, but eventually if anything is going to make you scroll down to read, it’ll have a tldr summary.

  • As I mentioned last week, I’ve been overly busy with the holidays/work and Lilly and I had an unrelated family matter that really took precedence; again barely got anything done.  So here’s some Q&A stuff.

    It […]

  • So, I ignorantly mentioned last week that work would likely be letting off since the remodel is over, but hey fuck me, I forgot: I work retail and it’s the holidays. Surprisingly, I still managed to get some work […]

    • Ha, no kidding.
      Luckily it wasn’t actually all that bad, nothing like it was the day before thanksgiving, that was Black Friday for grocery stores. People were crashing carts, yelling at each-other, fighting over the last can of pie filling or frozen turkey, etc. Shit was crazy and I hated every minute of it. lol

    • To be honest I’m more just burnt out on life, not really Elysium specifically. In fact Elysium brings a lot to my life at certain times. This holiday/work season has just drained me.

      Lilly saw that I was getting pretty stressed though and got me a present early, Pokemon Sun, and I have to say, it’s pretty cute. So I’ve just been taking time when I can to lay on the couch/bed with her and we just play games and shit before we get intimate or whatever.
      Funny enough I’ve actually been too stressed out with work to drink or do anything that would normally relax me, but Lilly has her ways and I probably wouldn’t make it through life without her, I just don’t have the whole “being an adult” thing figured out yet and I don’t think I will for a long while.

      Anyways, thanks for the advise. I think I’ve delayed a release for too long and I’m just going to try and go at for as long as I can, get an update out and in public hands and then I’ll take a breather. If I really think its getting to me though, I’ll do what I have to, to take care of my mental health and my game.

  • In the face of the political landscape right now and how much anxiety the country is going through I thought another voice in the storm would be appropriate. I’m about to get political on my platform here, […]

    • It took me a long time to decide how to approach this. Eventually I realized it doesn’t matter and if I didn’t just post something I’d wallow in this for days.

      You don’t think I’m sick of it too? I’m just one man. Barely one at that, I’m a broken twenty something year-old struggling to cope with depression and my place in this world, wasting my days away working at a job that means nothing and does nothing for me while I crumple under the weight of my social anxiety and my crushing financial situation.

      Look, this is my platform, this is the website I paid for and I can do with it what I want to. To say that its only for game development and has nothing to do with me is just disingenuous. I’m not a professional, I’m not some studio, I am and will always be just a hobbyist first. Elysium is not the next revolution in gaming, or even a game that I’m trying to make a huge success, its just my obsession, something I play with. This isn’t a job. I don’t separate Elysium and the on-goings of my life. Elysium is an escape for me; all I fucking do anymore is go to work, work on Elysium and occasionally spend time with Lilly, oh and drink/sleep/take breathers. That’s my life. My life gets in the way of developing, but I can’t just give up my job, I’ll starve and I can’t give up lilly, she is my life. I can’t give up the breaks I take because I’ll burn out.

      I would be professional if I could, if Elysium could be my job, I’d do it. But it can’t pay the bills or keep my depression at bay, it doesn’t do anything but tease my sense of self worth and give me small satisfactions. Sometimes I just have to vent, this is my platform. I don’t use face-book at all and twitter is hardly the place for wordy expression. Even if I didn’t have this website, or an online connection with you all, I’d still be working on this project. I love it, its what I want to do. This place, online, discussing it with everyone and sharing things, that’s all for my own benefit.

      These past months have been hell for me, fuck, all of 2016 has just been right fucking shit. Every day that goes on I realize just how much longer it’ll be till I have a stable release for you all and just how much more you all will be expecting and just how much more you all will be disappointed each time I post another “hey no update yet, life, sorry” post. I want to please you all, I really do. It makes me feel amazing when I know some piece of crap that I’ve haphazardly thrown together can bring something to someone’s life. Its a high that I seek, but with it, it brings so much pressure and fear of disappointing people.

      Okay, so maybe doing the same thing every week isn’t great, after all its just “hey, this happened, life sucks, no update, maybe next time”. That’s pretty much 80% of the posts I’ve made for the past two years. But nothing has changed and it just is what it is. If I don’t post, people think I’ve given up. If I don’t vent, well I guess post quality goes up but I feel like shit.
      I don’t even know anymore.
      I wasn’t even sure if I should reply to this, or any of these comments at all, considering this was basically a one off, so I’m just going to leave it here and get to sleep because I have an extended work shift tomorrow and I’m already up too late.

      I honestly am truly sorry for the state of things lately. I’m doing what I can and things will likely improve when I finally get something out as that’ll improve my psychological situation as well. But its still a ways off. Sunday is just going to be another post saying, “oh, maybe next week”, because I don’t even have any new Q&As to answer and I’ve only just completed the main part of the new intro scenes. I still have to wrap them up, finish integrating all the main descriptions/appearance shit and getting all of the “eat this” “do this” shit hooked up to the new narrative settings, etc..etc…blah blah blah.
      Fuck me, fuck it all. I’m sorry and I thank you for being here anyways, as it shows you really do give a fuck about the game, regardless of the reason. That’s somethings, and as ridiculous as it seems sometimes, I will continue to find it amazing that people are interested in this shit show after all this time.
      Alright, I’m done. I’ll be back Sunday with more “news”. Maybe I can keep my whining on the low side this time.

    • You make a good point.

      As for my own opinion, even if he got elected through a semi democracy only (gosh I tend to think your system is the worst, and I’m Belgian), I think it’s well deserved. As for the Brexit I believe things have to get worse before they get better. It’s just silly it’s so close to World War 2 but hey, humans are silly and short memory, just like goldfishes. :P

      Just one note I don’t agree with your rant: there is no left in the US. But again, I’m not American. :P

  • Not a whole lot to say this time as there were only a couple questions asked on the Q&A, so I’ll save them for next time. For now I’ll just drop off some progress news. So, after Halloween I picked up a pretty […]

  • Hey all, Just dropping in to let you know whats been going on in my life and what progress has been made on Elysium as well as finally get around to answering some of the questions you all left me a bit ago. I’ll […]

    • I’ve got a question for the next Q&A, if you don’t mind.

      I noticed that appetite in the current build effectively just raises the nausea cap. Is this the intended final version of it? How might a PC with an especially hearty appetite deal with a situation worse / better than a less inclined one other than getting sick less easily?

      • Well, as it stand now, appetite increases the nausea cap and also increases how quickly hunger returns after eating as well as how fast hunger builds.
        There will likely be more things involved with appetite, where in the physical desire for food must be challenged against their mental resistances. Having a high appetite and low inhibition they’ll be less likely to resist food regardless of the source or the risks involved in obtaining it and consuming it.
        I’ll probably expand on it more as well, but we’ll see.

    • I do plan to explore the idea of “unobservant reactions” to changes, but part of that issue is that in the game the player can view themselves any time on their omnibrace. So, in some sense I could tie it in with the actual person playing the game, if they don’t check their appearance (which is where the character views a render of their own body) for a while, the next time they check is when the player character would react to itself.
      Seeing as these reactions are triggered by viewing ones self and all.

      Either way, I’ll look into exploring it.

  • TL:DR: More stresses with work and roommate shit, but otherwise things are progressing as usual. An October release is getting less likely, but I may manage it if things can clear up. No Q&A this time as there’s a […]

    • Wow, that’s some serious shit.

      It’d of course be silly to judge you for “doing nothing”, panic attacks aren’t nothing. I’m not sure if you’ve looked into getting help? I mean for the hippie and the drunkard mother? To push them out? You have been witnesses of the smoking pot and getting drunk, right? You could totally be uncomfortable for your own security.

      Geez, I wish I could help but half assed advices are all I can muster. XP

      Hope you’ll soon get out of it, and by that I mean them! You shouldn’t be uncomfortable getting in your own living room…

      • Technically we’ve never “witnessed it” but we’ve seen them intoxicated and found the evidence/equipment left around; so it’s still enough to confirm it. But thank you, your advice is perfectly sound.

        It’s worked out anyways, as I’ll mention next post, but it’s going to be alright now I suppose.

    • Our landlord allows guests to stay over, it just has to be shorter than 7 days in a row. So, in some ways we kind of just had to wait for that time period to verify, if we don’t just ask “how long are you staying”

      But, the whole drunk and making us uncomfortable part probably supersedes that.
      It’s worked out though, she finally left and we’re getting the roommate with the new contract and junk. It was just trying is all. I’ll have a full explanation next post, as I’ll likely have to repeat “hey it worked out” in all these comments. haha!

      Thank you so much for your sentiment though. Things have just been shit lately and I really needed to vent and I know this is my website to do with as I wish, but I don’t always feel like I should “blog” blog on it. It helps when I need it though, so I’ll probably just have to start throwing up “drama, rant” tag filters or something so those not interested don’t have to put up with all this crap.

    • Thank you my friend, I really appreciate your kind words.

    • Thank you. I really appreciate your support. We’ll be okay in the end, it’s going to work out. This is just a tough year for us.

    • Hahaha. Yeah, there’s quite a lot of quackery going on in my life, but really, it’s all kind of just first world problems or whatever. I don’t believe in luck, fate or karma, just chance; so statistically speaking things have to start going better eventually. The more unlikely bad things that happen to you, the less likely it is that you’ll run into another bad thing without a more average event occurring first. This year in particular has been one hell of a streak though, maybe I should just play the lottery so I can lose at that too.

      I do wonder if at times people think I’m just making up excuses, because I’d honestly be slow as shit at updating no matter what, I just like to express whats been getting me down even if it seems like the two are connected. I’m starting to believe in the H-dev curse the internet is always going on about, but that usually takes you much earlier in a project.
      Must be proportionate to content, not time or something. haha.

      Thanks for your sentiment mate; my life really isn’t that bad to be honest, I just have trouble adjusting to adulthood in the crowded and unfriendly, drought ridden south-lands of California and expressing it here helps me cope. It is on me a bit as well considering I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for the majority of my life, but I’ve never sought out help to actually fix it. I still don’t know if I even could bring myself to try, in a kind of twisted way it’s a big part of who I am inside. I don’t know who I’d be if suddenly everything was just okay, all the time.

    • We do from time to time, it helps, sure, but its just getting that push to really do it that can be so hard.

      I can actually be a decent speaker at times; I have a wide vocabulary and I’m good at leading conversations around different subjects without losing consistency or purpose, but once I’m in a situation that implies volatile confrontation or where the conversation can have actual impact on my fate and living condition I just break down. Thoughts jam up, I stutter and I get lightheaded. Its a rough ride for me.

    • Thank you. I know that I should probably look into help sometime, but. I just can’t really describe the exact reason why it just seems so impossible to just go and do that. I supposes its probably part of me wanting to cling to the idea that I’m actually still okay and I’m just overreacting, so going to the doctors is pointless and embarrassing; even if its likely not true.
      Then when you get to the medical side of things, it really gets me uncomfortable. I have a strong gag reflex and so I have a huge difficulty taking any sort of pills, I can’t take shots because I’m underweight and my low blood pressure and anxiety causes me to faint and experience mild seizures when I get a needle in me and in general I’m just kind of against taking medicines/antibiotics and the like unless its an emergency or a preventative like vaccines.

      I try to tough out most things on my own, I don’t even take cold medicine or aspirin because I feel it’ll just make you weaker when you don’t have those medicines and have to face your illness or injury alone. In general, because I thankfully inherited my fathers immune system I almost never get sick or seriously injured and so I don’t really have to confront medical situations and get to have this “I’m outside of it” kind of sensation.

      In many ways, I think I like to think that my mind is as strong as my body. I almost never get sick and when I do I usually overcome it very quickly without medicine or help, so surely the sickness of my mind can be overcome just the same; so I feel.

      I know its not true. But the way my anxiety makes it out, getting help is admitting defeat, admitting I’m the weak broken thing I really am, admitting that I can’t take on this world the way the other adults in my life can.

      Anyways.. I’ll stop with the ranting. I just want to thank you for your sentiment. I’ll try to fight that curse, but boy it sure is persistent. Luck for it, it doesn’t even have to try that hard to slow this game down because I code and write at the speed of handicap person stuck in a bowl of glue even without interference, so I was doomed from the start. lol
      At least I’m stubborn and persistent?

      eh, regardless, I’ll do what I can and I’ve been trying to stock up better “on the go” kinds of foods. But finding things that are cheap, don’t take much to prepare, are palatable and not made of plastic toxins is a bit of a difficult thing to do down here in expensive shithole California. lol
      Even without the anxiety and roommate, it’s pretty common for me to forget to eat or to eat very little, especially when I’m engaged in work or entertainment. I just don’t really have an appetite most days.

    • Forgive me if my response is a bit, trite. I’m kind of burnt out of expression for the day, so a lot of my response sentiment can be found scattered around the other responses, but I will say I really appreciate how thought out your advice is and that you’ve had our situation in your thoughts. You guys really don’t have to do this, and, well shit It makes me feel pretty fucking good that there are folks out there concerned for a shut-in weirdo like me.
      Thank you.

      To get to the meat of your post, our landlord is often in-personable and impractical but she is not unreasonable. She knows we’re subletting and shes “okay” with it so long as we pay on time and she only has to deal with a single check. She only asks that she approves of the roommate prior to them moving in. She’s kicked out people before just on suspicion of drug use, and so that’s where we’re worried. But, as things stand I think that while she’ll be unhappy with us changing roommates again so soon and will likely express her discontent with us, it won’t result in our eviction as well, so long as we can pay. It’s just that in the middle of the school semester it might be difficult to quickly procure another roommate who won’t be a simple repeat of this one.

      Obviously, we are living a bit outside of our means currently with this apartment; the reason we don’t want to leave this one is because of its proximity to both our places of work, her schooling as well as its proximity to stores, entertainment and the beach. It’s in a really great spot and in a safe part of town. Lilly has lived here since she started highschool, so its really her home and she wants to continue living here for a while longer yet. She’s been a faithful tenant the for years; but once her mother left to live with her boyfriend in France, its been a lot more difficult for us to maintain it ourselves. Her parents both still help pay a good portion of the rent though, so we’re lucky enough to have that, but collectively we still need the roommate to close the gap.
      Moving now would be difficult as we need to find a place that’s still close enough to our places of work (we only have the one car between us, so there needs to be practical bus routes available as well), is affordable and isn’t in a dangerous location. (which, Southern California has plenty of). It’d also be a really inconvenient time to do so right now in the middle of her schooling and everything else.

      We feel very stuck, but we also want to keep the place if we can.

      All that aside, we have been looking for a new apartment because we are expecting we’ll end up needing to move eventually regardless of how well the current situations go.

      Anyways, thank you again and thanks for reading through my dribble. We did end up getting the mother out and we’re going to confront the roommate with the new contract after she pays us for this month. So, hopefully this works out easiest for all of us, if not for the best.

  • Hey all, I can’t believe it’s been a whole week. I’m just dropping in to let you know things have been progressing as usual and I have yet another Q&A for you all. It’s a really beefy one this time since I got so […]

    • I probably have something more in depth for that another time (it’s a bit extensive) and more specifically as more parasites actually get implemented. But I’ll have some stuff on them for sure (after all, one of the 9 lords is parasite themed, so its a big part of the island)

    • Absolutely. I’m not sure how long it’ll take to do it, but plenty of cybernetic junk is planned and most of it basically just turns off certain body mechanics in exchange for cool gear and abilities; lose humanity for more robot action kind of junk

      http://www.atticusarc.com/lore-profile-jynx/
      This lore profile shows pretty much the basics of it, but one of the main species of the island is essentially just that, a brain (consciousness) in a jar (a advanced cybernetic injection mechanism) that allows the human mind to control anything from organic components to full blown machines.
      I’ll be exploring those possibilities more as we go along, but right now the way I’ve set up NPC’s they essentially work as vessels through which the player could swap into and control at any point, mechanically. So once I implement Jynx systems, the player will be able to control anything they’d like to, it’s just a matter of swapping what entity gets the “isPlayer” tag.
      Mechanically, everything is interchangeable.

  • Due to the remodel at work, my schedule has been pretty killer. I feel like I’m running around with my head cut off sometimes with the managers taking their stress out on me, trying to stock things when I no […]

    • Good luck with the shit stuff!

    • Well thank you for such high praise, I appreciate it. A lot of people give up on their projects because they don’t concentrate on what they want and they don’t find the trudge entertaining, if you want something you have to give it energy. I have a lot of stresses in my life and Elysium has just ended up as my go-to-relaxation method, I really enjoy working on it and when I’m not working on it I like to think about it, or the lore. It’s escapism, but it’s not really any different than when I escape into some video games or a bottle of vodka. lol

      I would like my habit to eventually produce a successful game, sure, but even if that’s not what Elysium is destined for, it’s been fun building it and I plan to continue enjoying it.

    • Thanks man. I don’t know why this year has been so pitfallen, but things have to turn around eventually. I don’t believe in luck, so, statistically with every bad event that occurs it becomes even more anomalous for another bad event to happen, odds are things have to swing back eventually, otherwise you really are cursed. lol

      Sometimes its hard for me to fathom just how much time I’ve actually wasted on this project. It’s a little bit absurd, and in reality anyone competent probably would have a finished game by now. I feel sorry for all the folks that found this project early on and I really should have done a better job at tempering expectations; but at the same time, even I didn’t know what to expect and I’ve personally enjoyed the journey. One day, I hope I can hear from people that the wait was worth it, lets just hope thats not too many decades in the future. ha.

    • Ah, I’m sorry about that, I don’t know why it wouldn’t be working but I just wanted to give my appreciation for the sentiment. Thank you.

      Hopefully it won’t be too much more of a wait for you all.

  • Well, hmn, the good news? I have plenty of Q&As for you all and I’ve made some “okay” progress on Elysium. The bad news? I’m going to have to start looking for a new roommate again, among other bullshit that’s […]

    • Seems like she has already wasted her start in life… :/

      You’re right though, you can’t risk your own situation for that complete stranger…

      Good luck with everything.

  • Load More